Cause of Death: Overthinking

I’ve written so many essays which I can’t publish. It’s too intimate with private information. I envy those who could write their autobiography in honesty.

I have been overthinking lately with so many issues in my mind. Possibilities and impossibilities are so overwhelming. I want to record all the feelings so I can look back in the future and analyze what’s wrong with me.

It’s hard to accept that I’m this weak and emotional creature. Are we who we think we are? Or we are what people think of us. We exist in everybody’s head in different version. When we die, we lost control of our self. We become the ghost of the memory that sticks in everybody’s head before we eventually fade away because human memory isn’t good. ☀️👁️ The digital archives of mine will stay but no one will pay attention.

Sometimes, I feel lucky. Sometimes, I feel stuck. Sometimes, I feel optimistic. Sometimes I feel bored. The Fluid feeling department is shifting, moving, changing.

We are impermanent beings. In the end, we will be able to let go of our transient self and move on. 🥀

Mono no aware: the bittersweet poignancy of thing