I keep thinking about my bad decisions in my youth. It was not that bad after all.
I was just an awkward adolescent: a forever dork in every life department, a social handicap who learns to fit in and go with the flow. I went to random parties, met random strangers, had a bunch of random conversations which brought me to long-term friendships. Gladfully they last longers than one night, a couple weeks, or a year.
Sometimes, it takes some time to get to know people you always long to know. You might spot these interesting human beings. Then it takes 10 years to bring them back to my life. Awkward life choice might bring good consequence ten years later. That’s out of my plan. I wouldn’t know. Who would have known?
Random night, random person, or random song that came from a random algorithm might change my taste of music forever. My playlist is a collection of life episodic memory, it collects moments, feelings, thinking and people. My liking and relationship with music have evolved through life. I grew up to understand the beauty I never understood before. It’s a part of my fluid identity.
I like staying home but I have to go out and learn how interesting human beings are. I can’t skip the party. So much to be learned. Everybody is a persona with flexibility. Every life story is a case study I couldn’t get from Wikipedia and passive lecture.
I cannot exist in a vacuum. I can’t be just a pixel. I want to see the whole picture, colors, rhythm, and composition.
After all, life and time are not wasted. I can’t complain. I got to play along with the choice I took, then wait and see what it would lead me to.