I have felt so quiet inside lately. I feel calm like I have never been before. I have been thinking a lot in silence. There is no rush. No hurry. Just keep going, no goal just directions.
Last week, I spent a lot of time reading, listening and thinking. I have been with myself 70% of time to stay focused, get shit done.
I stopped caring what people think about me. I don’t attend events I don’t want to. I don’t try hard to be liked anymore. That’s the sweetest spot of being older. I feel comfortable.
Hey, Why would you try hard to be perfect? Flawed humans are cuter anyway. 🙂
You won’t care to fit in when you’re comfortable in the skin you live in. I want to be an outcast so I can take a different point of views freely. I want to live by my own personal, not cultural ethics. I don’t want to be biased from belonging to any particular group. I want to be free from peer pressure and social contagion.
The world is a chaotic place to be but I still can find patterns and orders. It is not entirely meaningless. It’s not entirely unpredictable. I just blink and blink and see what happens. Respond if needed. I have to keep looking and listening and speak when it’s needed. I have to search for the meaning.
Many things are out of my control. One word cannot fix a messy situation. We live in a complicated world, complicated life, a world with a messy structure and pre-existing power order. Whatever the next hype word is. It won’t fix everything. 🙃 But everything is changing when you stop looking.
I have been looking at my life, trying to evaluate it. I made good progress, attained some transferable skills and learned a lot along the way. There is no waste even things are not as planned or expected.
Still, I want to look for long-term value. If you’re not good for long-term, I have to let you go. That’s my protocol.