Caution

Dreamland

I had a dream about being on a train that doesn’t stop at any station. Time is running. In the dream, I would be late. I was so stressful. Time is running.

Another parallel train is on fire, but it moves so slowly: another stressful situation.

I have been conscious and cautious about time like I have never been before. This is how we change through life.  Time is running. But I just want to sit, listen and think.

Slow down. Take your time. – I have to repeat to myself.

joy of sudden disappearance

Scrap Thoughts / Writing

I have found my own kind of drug. I’m addicted to canceling plans.

Nothing can beat that secret joy and relief of not attending things abruptly. Nothing ever feels better than permission to temporary laziness and idleness. In an alternative life, I will remain starring at the bathroom ceiling, soaking my favorite books in the bathtub. It didn’t happen again since I was 12.

Jodie Foster’s favorite birthday was the year she escaped the town so she doesn’t have to attend her own birthday party. She spent time hiking along with her dog. I understand that so well. I tried to make accuse so I don’t have to participate in any big days. I like small quiet days plus meaningful conversation. My kind of self-therapy is being alone and let my corporal body heal itself and brain untidy its neurons.

I have a deep fear of attending the wedding. I’m a big fan of small days. I hate big days. I hate every kind of ceremony. The crowd makes me dizzy and exhausted. I cannot retrieve all the information. I cannot stand the noise and useless interaction. I don’t care about micro-interaction.

If we’re good friends, you can disappear from my life for two years and then you can still come back. This is what I want. I don’t like keeping updates of all minor details that will evaporate in two days later. I’m a bad friend who won’t give you time. Confession of the jerk who won’t answer your phone, who won’t give you time.

I ramble like a teenager.

Pain is your friend. ☀️

Others

After a lifetime of hounding authors for advice, I’ve heard three truths from every mouth:

(1) Writing is painful — it’s ‘fun’ only for novices, the very young, and hacks;

(2) other than a few instances of luck, good work only comes through revision;

(3) the best revisers often have reading habits that stretch back before the current age, which lends them a sense of history and raises their standards for quality.